Today, the glass is half empty...

So, I'm going to write a REAL update. For the most part, most blogs that I read, people don't really write their true feelings or what they are honestly really going through. They take the opportunity to share what they think is cool and use the web as sounding boards to voice their opinions. Well, to be honest, I'm not really in a "cool position" right now, so I will write what I know.

Today, I'm having a real insecurity about my future. I have this baby growing inside of me and I have no idea what to expect. I know these feelings of anxiety are normal or at least that is what all the books say, but I'm needing some other kind of encouragement. Right now, I feel like my support system has withered and I'm trying to figure out what I can do to get some confidence back. (Now, that excludes all my remarkable friends that have totally stepped in, given me advice and even loaned me some baby gear.) I'm talking about things like my mother, who won't be by my side to help me. Boy, what I wouldn't give to have her tell me that I'm doing everything wrong! Second, my financial stability. Right now, all I have to give towards our household income is an unemployment check, which will eventually come to an end by the time our little guy arrives. We've taken the steps by first cutting out the luxuries, so now we move to possibly cutting the necessities, right?

Someone told me today that this position I'm in allows me to take time and enjoy my pregnancy. I kinda beg the differ. I'm not like the octuplet mom who lives in a "Pollyanna" world. This is real to me. I wouldn't even allow us to entertain the idea of having a baby until I felt secure in our future. If I knew we would be in this position, I would not be sitting here pregnant right now. Jobs are hard enough to secure right now in this economy, but to throw a pregnant girl into the mix, that makes the competition a bit tougher.

I guess I should put a disclaimer on my bad day too. Believe me, during this time, I am grateful for a lot of things as well. I have a baby, from what we can tell, who is healthy. A truly caring and loving husband, who works his butt off for the both of us right now. We have lots of friends who care about us. My brother is getting married to a wonderful girl who already feels a part of the family. See, I know it is not all doom and gloom.