One Year Anniversary

Today is hard. I sit alone here in my hotel room out in Monterey, California and this computer is what I have to vocalize my hurt. Today marks the one year anniversary of my mom's death. I've made it. One year. I never thought I would do it...never wanted to. They say it gets easier, but does it? I think about all the things I have to look forward to and then it hits me hard...my mom is never going to be there to share it with me. I want to have kids, but she will never be there to hold my hand through it. Tell me..."Oh that's just morning sickness" or help me decorate the baby's room. Everything has changed. My relationships with the rest of the family, my outlook on friendships, what I want to do career-wise. It seems kind of ironic that my mom tried to teach me so much growing up, but now at the age of 29, the biggest lessons are learned after she's gone.

I am so proud of my brother Brad. He has got this amazing strength to do all these marathons and bike races in my mom's honor. He's most likely to make his goal of $15,000 for the LiveSTRONG Challenge. The only thing I can do is support him the way she would. I am trying to get in shape to do those types of things. One lesson learned is that the easiest thing you can do for your family is to keep yourself healthy. So, I am working out every day and changing my diet. I've done okay so far, but I am still awaiting those big results. I'm determined and know I will get there. So, if you see me, keep me accountable. I need that.

I don't know who reads this blog. I don't even like writing on here. I do it because this allows me to be vocal without feeling anxiety about boring people sometimes. If they don't want to read it, then with one click of the mouse they can dismiss themselves. But if you have made it here to the end, do me a favor. Call your mom. Tell her that you love her and try not to take the time you have here with each other for granted