It's 3am...

It is 3am and I am wide awake. On a typically Monday morning, I would be frustrated because I would have to be up and ready for work in a few, short hours..but not today.

Here, let me give you quick update. Friday around 5pm, I was pulled into my bosses office and sat patiently as they told me that they simply can't afford to keep me at my job. Finally, the anxiety that I have been feeling for the past two months was confirmed. I had been walking into the office everyday, brewing the coffee and kicking things off wondering if it was going to be my last day there. I had no solid evidence, it was just the gut feeling in my stomach. My bosses also made no efforts in hiding the fact that they were starting to panic either.

So, as I sit here early this morning, counting down the hours until the unemployment offices open, I try not to panic. Right now, I don't really feel like a loser for losing my job. I feel like a statistic. According to CNN, "The third week of January was dismal for jobs, as around 40,000 more cuts were announced across multiple industries. All in all, about 125,000 job cuts have been announced so far this year, according to company reports." That isn't even considering the fall out of the little guy; those small businesses who CNN doesn't even reach out to... nor do the small companies report, "Why,yes, I have a staff of 6 and we plan to cut to 5 this year!" How ridiculous sounding is that? But either way, it's the same thing. Same crisis. My former company will feel the hurt from that one person being gone. To them, it was a luxury position, or so I was told.

I have no idea what I plan to do. The kicker? I am pregnant. (If you follow this blog on a normal basis, you would know that.) Here's my take on the situation. Glass half empty: Oh my goodness, what am I going to do? How am I ever going to be able to afford this baby now? Glass half full: Now I can actually enjoy my pregnancy without all the work anxiety and drama. God wants me to rest. In a previous life, I would automatically be drawn towards the first scenario, but for some reason I am at peace. Is it because I had those gut feelings for two months now? Did I have time to prepare? I mean, come on, I had already cleaned out my desk!

So, I am keeping my options open. I am going to investigate potential jobs, if there are any out there, that match my qualifications, or I might take my brother's suggestion and just really do some things that make me happy and make the most out of my time being pregnant. Do some jobs here and there that just simply bring joy and some peace...and enough income to get by.

BA Boom...

BA Boom, BA Boom, BA Boom...that is the sound my baby makes at 164 beats per min. In certain circles, some say that means it's a girl. In my thoughts, right now it's just a confirmation that this little person still lives inside my belly. It's hard, because some of your symptoms start disappearing and the fear sets in....Was that box I lifted too heavy? I only sort of tripped, but caught myself. Basically, your mind starts going a little nuts. The body changes that came on so quickly start fading and you just want to make sure that instead, your body just isn't going back to normal. I can't wait until I can feel the baby move, so that I can have a constant confirmation that things are going according to plan. I also can't wait to have more of a belly. Yes, can you believe that?I am embracing the belly growth that will occur. It will be a source of validation of all the fatigue, the cravings and yes, the double chin that is more apparent to me, than others. It also feels good to be at the "safe point," as they call it, to be able to share the news with everyone. But I'm not the only one with good news....

Have I mentioned that my brother is now officially engaged? It is going to be a BIG 2009! I am very excited that we will be welcoming his fiance, Whitney, to our family next fall. She's been so supportive and helpful to us through some very good and very, very sad times the past four years. My mom would very happy with all the change that is happening in the Wormer family. I only wish she was here to share it with us, but boy would she be proud.